Always watching. Always guarding.
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Established in 1984, The National Board of Shit Eaters is an organization that was created in order to point out every single shit eater that exists in the nation. This is because we non-shit eaters need to stick together and keep ourselves free from shit eaters. Our mission is to protect the nation from shit-eaters and to keep them off the streets.
How we do it.
Thanks to funding from multiple North American governments as well as from powerful companies throughout the world -- Amazon, Apple, Goldman Sachs, MetLife, Verizon, Valve plus 294 more -- we are able to operate a network of 100,000 space satellites that detect, via infrared light, shit in American stomachs. Using the NFC chips planted in every single license as well as the NFC chips in credit cards, we are able to match shit-eater IR signals with an identity with a accuracy rate of 100%.
Why we do it.
In the 1980s, It was confirmed by the CIA that every single leader of the USSR literally ate shit the second that they were sworn into office. This sent red flags to the USA and her allies, and thus, a multinational organization was created to stop shit-eaters, who all were obviously communist sympathisers. The NBoSE has been proud to say that America has been protected from shit-eater takeover since 1984!
